I Need My Sanity

​I’m slowly learning that no matter how much I react, explain, or try to fix things, it won’t change what’s already broken. It won’t make people see me differently. It won’t magically make them love or respect me, or even understand where I’m coming from. I’ve spent so many moments agonizing over conversations in my head, replaying them, thinking, *If only I had said this… If only they knew that…* But in the end, it doesn’t matter. People see what they want to see, and no amount of pleading or explanation can change their perception.

I’ve realized that the harder I try to cling to those moments, the more it hurts. I’ve fought for closure, begged for explanations that never came, chased answers that left me feeling emptier than before. And I’ve waited… waited for people to finally understand, to finally get why I was hurting, to give me the validation that I craved. But none of it happened. The closure I was so desperate for never arrived. The people I fought so hard to keep eventually drifted away. And the respect I hoped to earn stayed out of reach.

It’s a painful truth I’m learning to accept—sometimes, people just won’t care, no matter how much you do. Sometimes, they’ll leave without a word, and sometimes, they’ll stay, but their presence feels even lonelier than their absence. I’ve cried over relationships that fell apart, over misunderstandings that never got cleared, over friendships that slowly faded into nothing. And in those moments, I thought I had failed. But maybe, just maybe, it’s not about fighting to be understood, to be heard, or to be loved. Maybe, it’s about letting go.

I’m learning that peace comes not from trying to control what happens around me, but from what’s happening inside me. When I let go of the need to fix every misunderstanding, to heal every broken bond, I start to find a quiet kind of peace. I’m learning that not everything needs a resolution. Not everyone deserves an explanation. Some people will never understand, and that’s okay. I don’t need to keep fighting for space in the hearts of those who don’t see my worth.

There’s a certain kind of freedom in surrendering—allowing life to unfold as it will without the constant need to steer it. It’s not that I don’t care anymore; it’s that I’m learning to care in a different way. I’m learning to care for myself. To put my energy into healing what’s inside me instead of trying to control what’s outside of me. And the more I do that, the more I realize that my peace, my joy, and my sense of self-worth don’t depend on anyone else.

Letting go doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain anymore. It means I’ve decided to stop letting it control me. It means I’m choosing to live in the present instead of reliving the past. It means I’m slowly finding the strength to move forward, even when I don’t have all the answers, even when the wounds are still healing.

I’m learning that life is better lived when I don’t center it on what’s happening around me, but on what’s happening within me. And maybe that’s the greatest lesson of all: to find peace not in the things or people I once clung to, but in the quiet strength I’m discovering inside myself.