A THOUGHT OF CHRISTMAS AND A WISH FROM THE HEART

A THOUGHT OF CHRISTMAS AND A WISH FROM THE HEART

I closed my eyes and deeply wished that sleep would come to me.  It has been almost two weeks of countless activities, stress and pressures.  I started to feel exhausted -physically.  My soul was also weary and my mind was on the edge.

Then suddenly, I was brought back to a scene in the past, in a place so dear to me.  I was sitting on the couch, infront of the TV in our house in Mindoro!

Ate Mylene showed up from the kitchen and asked me to taste the spaghetti she cooked, “Oi Memen, tikman mo nga yung spaghetti..baka may kulang pa sa timpla ko…”. I smiled and followed her to our small kitchen.  I saw Ate Len washing some dishes and she said,” Ang kulit ni Ate Mylene eh…sabi ng OK na yung lasa…ayaw pa maniwala sa kin”.  I just looked at her and smiled.  I knew that my eldest sister wanted a second opinion.  She had always wanted to make things as accurate as possible- as perfect as she could.

As usual, My Ate Mylene’s spaghetti was great.  I watched as she put a serving on  a big Tupperware bowl and placed it on our wooden dining table, beside a bottle of Coke Litro. “Hintayin lang natin si Tatay..tapos saka natin gisingin si Bimbo..para sabay-sabay na tayong kumain..” She informed me and Ate Len.

It was a few hours before Christmas Eve, almost fifteen years ago…

While waiting for our Dad who was on duty that night (he was a policeman and he was assigned in the other town), I went to our terrace and stared at the “belen” (“Belen” , or a crèche- is a miniature nativity scene, depicting the birth of Jesus Christ). Comparing to most belen’s I’ve seen from my rich friends’ house and some of our neighbors, I noticed that ours was very simple.  My Dad constructed it from some leftover “pawid” from our kubo..and we put the same “characters” from our previous belen in the past.  The giant star was almost fading- in contrast to the original story’s brightness and shine. There were also, obviously, some missing characters in our own nativity scene.. the angel was absent, and one of the three kings wouldn’t stand… oh, and there was no shepherd on our belen too!

In spite of the simplicity, I couldn’t help but admire how my Dad diligently put up the wooden structure. My Dad.. he always wanted us to enjoy Christmas and that included decorating our small house with colorful lights and either recycled or  improvised ornaments from past seasons.

While standing at the terrace, my Ate Len approached me and asked what I was thinking.  I told her that I was trying to figure out why we missed putting a shepherd or two in our belen. She grinned and joked that most likely the shepherd went home early to cook his food for the Noche Buena. Then she advised me not to worry coz he’d probably be back in the morning too.

After a few more minutes, we heard my Dad’s footsteps and we rushed inside the house to call Ate Mylene and Bimbo (who just woke up in time) and inform them that Dad has already arrived. All together, the four of us welcomed our Dad and we rushed to him to kiss his hand (nag-mano).  My Ate Mylene took the sliced loaf bread still in the plastic from my Dad’s hand and he motioned her to put it on the dining table. Then he went inside their bedroom to change his clothes. While he was inside the bedroom, all four of us sat on the sofa at the living room without talking.  I knew then that we were all thinking of the same thing: “How come Dad didn’t bring us Christmas gifts?? Could he have forgotten them somewhere? Or was he planning to give us our gifts the next morning?

So upon my Dad’s signal that we’ll eat our late dinner that night (just before midnight), we took our seat on the dining set. There was nothing more than the spaghetti that Ate Mylene cooked, a bottle of Coke, and whole sliced bread. “O, kain na tayo!” my Dad blurted out. We smiled at each other and greeted ourselves a Merry Christmas.

While eating together, my Ate Len looked at me, as if forcing me to ask Dad where our gifts were. I felt a nudge under the table..probably from Ate Mylene or Ate Len…because they want me to speak out and ask Dad.  I have always been the “brave” one- the speaker among the four of us. I looked at my Dad, trying to come up with a good way to ask him for our gifts. When my Dad caught me looking at him, he asked me what I want.

Dad: “Anong sasabihin mo??”

Me: “Ah…eh…kasi…”

Dad: “Ano nga??”

Me: “Kasi di ba pasko?! Bat wala kaming regalo???”

Dad: “Sinong nagsabi na wala kayong regalo?? At palagay nyo, pwede ba kayong mawalan ng regalo sa pasko??? Hindi yata pwede!”

There was a loud cheer from all four of us. Yehey!!!! May regalo!!!--- pero nasaan kaya???

My Dad stood up and asked us to follow him to the living room beside our small Christmas tree.  Eagerly and almost impatiently waiting for a “surprise”, we all sat on the sofa set. Still no gifts.

At last, I could not wait any longer and I went to Dad and demanded: ”Asan na ang regalo namin???!!!”.

Laughing, my Dad asked us to go and get our gifts from the terrace. At the “belen” the gifts were!

Running outside and bumping each other in excitement, we rushed to the belen (almost breaking it). There were four white envelopes each has a name outside. Mylene..Len..Memen..Bimbo.

Five hundred pesos for each of us from our Dad!

Puzzled, anxious, and excited with the rather strange gift we received (it was the first time that we received “cash” for Christmas), we went inside the house to thank our Dad. He knew that we were surprised with our “gifts”- the cash, so he informed us that he wanted us to start being responsible and to differentiate what we need from what we want. He told us that he expects us to buy whatever we need/want with the money, being responsible enough to spend it on we can use. He added that the amount was from him and our Mom…

My Dad’s voice cracked at the mention of my mother’s name. “Inay” as we call her, was working abroad (Saudi Arabia) and she had not spent Christmas with us for many years. We missed her and there was no doubt that my Dad missed her the most.

Dad: “Syempre, gusto ng “Inay” na umuwi para makasama sana tayo ngayong Pasko…kaya lang, mahal ang pamasahe…kaya sa halip na ipapamasahe nya yung sweldo nya, iipunin na lang nya para sa sunod na bakasyon ay makapag enroll sa college si Mylene at si Lenlen.

“Hmp! Lagi na lang ganyan si Mama pag pasko.. lagi naman wala! Laging sinasabi na darating sha..pero hindi naman pala!”. That was my brother, Bimbo.

“Ano ka ba?! Kaya nga nagtitiis ang Inay na magtrabaho dahil para sa ating lahat…tapos ganyan pa ang sinasabi mo!” replied my eldest sister, Ate Mylene, while giving Bimbo a stern look as if ordering him to keep quiet.

I saw tears fell down my Dad’s eyes and my Ate Len also started to cry.  We missed our Mom and there was no denying that fact.  Soon, we were all sobbing. My Dad stood up, his voice still shaking and tears still falling from his eyes, he asked us to go to bed so we could wake up early the next day to attend Holy Mass together.  He went inside their room and my brother tagged along with him.

Without saying a word, Ate Mylene and Ate Len went to the kitchen. I watched as my two sisters started cleaning the dining area and washing the dishes from our Noche Buena. I noticed that Ate Len was still crying.

Ate Mylene: “Oi Bolens, tama na naman yang pag iyak mo.. mahahawa na naman kami ni Memen sa kakaiyak mo eh!”

Ate Len: “Hindi ko nga mapigilan eh..Sino bang gusto umiyak ng umiyak? Kaso ayaw tumigil ng luha ko!”

There was a short discussion among the three of us until we went to our bedroom where we lie on the bed next to each other. Ate Len covered herself completely with a blanket but I still could hear her sobbing. I wanted to comfort her, but then I thought that crying would give her relief of some sort. After reminding me that I should wake up early for the Holy Mass, Ate Mylene fell asleep immediately.

Right there, lying between my two sisters, I whispered a short prayer and asked God to grant my family’s Christmas wishes.

Present Date: December 2010

I received this message on my Facebook Inbox from Ate Len:

Len Mendoza (Wednesday at 5:39pm):  Nkkatawa lang haaay.. Pagktapos msg ko sa u knina nahiga na ko to watch tv.. Pilit ako ngpapaantok kc gusto ko maaga mgsing bukas.. Nanonood ako at madami din tumatakbo sa utak ko at alam ko nalulungkot ako.. Kaya simpleng drama sa mara clara nadala ko.. I jst found myself wiping my tears.. At imortal na eh naiiyak pa din ako.. Ang hirap mkipaglaban sa takbo ng buhay but I thank God for having u all as my family!! Ending-- I'm just missing d whole family celebrating together joyfully the yuletide season!! Kamusta nmn party bukas maga mata ko!!I'm still proud to say I have the best family!miss u all!

I am not a fan of  teleserye’s and I don’t have any idea on the story of Mara Clara lately, so I don’t know why she said that she cried a lot while watching it. However, I perfectly understand why she’s missing the whole family celebrating together. How could I not feel sad when I have exactly the same feeling?

Yesterday, I was chatting with my sister in UAE and when I asked her where on earth can we find a Merry Christmas these days, she replied, “..saan may meri xmas??? Syempre sa mga puso natin, sis!”.. I knew it was a joke half meant.

When my Mom retired from her 14 year job in Saudi Arabia as an X-ray technician, I graduated from the university and I found a job in Manila. For a couple of years, we spent yuletide season together as a family in Mindoro. We bring friends from Manila to spend Christmas with us, and we always had a lot relatives and friends visiting us during Christmas and New Year.

Now I realized that nothing beats spending Christmas at home- with the entire family.  It’s one Filipino tradition that I am proud of. However, no doubt, I have overlooked it before.

I miss the cold wind of December in Mindoro.  It’s heartwarming and relaxing although it has never been any colder than the winter air here in Riyadh or at any place I’ve been. I miss attending Simbang Gabi with my Lola in Mindoro and going to the church in Manila with Jake.  I miss the puto bumbong, bibingka, and the “manang” who was selling those delicacies right outside the Sto Nino Cathedral. She used to give me extra puto bumbong whenever I asked her to. I miss the long queue in GE Grocery store and then in Citimart in Calapan—don’t we Filipinos love last minute Christmas shopping! I miss those little kids from the neighborhood with their empty milk cans and barbecue sticks on their own rendition of classic Jingle Bells. I miss my Ate Mylene wrapping our choices for school’s exchange gifts.  I miss Ate Len always giving us the most expensive gifts! I miss Bimbo who always receives the most number of presents.  I miss the big Santa Clause banner we used to put in our terrace and whereby we hang those socks for Santa to put on our gifts. 

I miss the warm hugs from my Dad and his cheerful dance on Christmas Days. I miss my Mom cooking her “broasted” chicken recipe which she learned by heart during the many years of her work  in Saudi Arabia. I miss my Dad’s humba, caldereta, pastel and menudo.  I miss Ate Mylene’s spaghetti and pancit…Ate Len’s magical fruit salad and Bimbo’s pulutan.

There’s just an endless list of people and things that I really do miss. Until realized that believing on a Christmas wish was one of them.

So, four days before Christmas, I am convincing myself to believe, once more, that Christmas wishes do come true, although of course, I’m not pretty sure if I could have even a slight  glimpse of the Christmas star on Christmas Eve as to where I should whisper my wish at.  Nonetheless, I’ll keep it in my heart for the meantime.

It’s a single wish I have- a fervent one that is… I’m not gonna spill it out to anyone…not just yet.

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